10 Fanfics You've Never Read Before
by NatzandtheRatz
Summary: Sick of same old, same old fanfic? Well here's the answer, amigos! 10 fanfics I can guarantee you've never seen before!
1. The Unexpected MarySue

Disclaimer: As ever, borrowed from those who invented it, hastily returned afterwards.  
  
10 Fanfics You've Never Seen Before  
  
1. My love for you will never end...  
  
Summer sighed happily. It had only been a day since she escaped the police in her home town, when she had found the magic portal that had transported her to Middle-Earth. And she'd accomplished a lot in a day.   
  
Firstly, she walked all the way to Rivendell from Lothlorien (where she'd arrived) in half an hour, joined the Fellowship, had made it to Mount Doom in a matter of minutes thanks to another magic portal, destroyed the One Ring when Frodo was incapable of doing so, had one on one combat with Sauron and won instantly. And, she thought contentedly, as she pushed her long blonde hair (so perfect Rachel from Friends was now asking for a 'Summer' cut in the hair salon) behind a pointed ear (when she arrived in Middle-Earth she found out she was really an elf, directly descended from Feanor), not only have I done all that without batting an eyelid across my purple eyes, but I've found true love as well.  
  
She gazed into the eyes of her beloved as he met with Aragorn at his Coronation ceremony-and-Wedding (hey, it saves on banquet bills). He was so perfect, she thought. Long shining white-blonde hair, beautiful cheekbones and grey-blue eyes you could get lost in.  
  
Then the Lady Arwen arrivied. Summer did not realise that no-one was looking at the Elven woman though, because she was so modest. In reality everyone agreed that Summer was the most beautiful creature ever to walk on Middle-Earth, 'even more beautiful than that Luthien chick', they said.  
  
Eventually the ceremony was over, after rather a lot of time-wasting with those unnecessary hobbits who took precious screen time away from her beloved. Summer ran gracefully towards her one true love, her long blonde hair streaming out behind her in the sun like a beautiful golden safety hazard that could easily catch on something.  
  
He stood there with his arms open to welcome her, and they kissed even more romantically than Aragorn and Arwen, who no-one really cared about anymore, oddly enough.  
  
"Oh my love, you were wonderful up there" Summer said, pressing her lips against his  
  
"Thank you Summer." he said, embracing her. "I have a question for you" he began tentatively.  
  
"Anything, my darling."  
  
"Summer... will you come to the Undying Lands with me?"  
  
Summer had never been so happy in her life.  
  
"Of course!" she cried.  
  
She was so overjoyed she stopped the first person she could to tell them her good news.  
  
"Oh Legolas, it's wonderful! Me and Gandalf are going to live in the Undying Lands!!"  
  
The End 


	2. To the tune of

Disclaimer: It's really difficult to find a new way to say 'this isn't mine' with every story, isn't it? Queen owns the song. A bunch of people own the characters  
  
10 Fanfics you've never seen before  
  
2. Singing you a song  
  
(An empty stage, with just a microphone at the front. A spotlight picks out a single figure as he comes onto the stage, and walks towards the mike)  
  
Denethor (clearing his throat): Well, this is what I get for attempted son-a-cide. (Begins to sing)  
  
_Toniiiight, gonna have myself a real hot time  
  
I feel on fii-hi-hi-iiiire  
  
And the wooorld, turning upside down, yeah  
  
Tumbling down, from Minas Tirith  
  
So please catch me now  
  
Please catch me now  
  
Cos I'm having a Barbi, having a BarbiQ!_  
  
(Stage lights go up. Sauron, the Balrog, Smaug and a host of other firey creatures are singing backup)  
  
_I'm a shooting star falling from on high like a fire-bomb  
  
Proving the laws of gravity  
  
I'm a racing car, on fire like a witch of Salem  
  
I'm gonna go, go, go  
  
There's no stopping me  
  
Burning through the sky, yeah  
  
200 degrees  
  
That's why they call me Mr Farenheit  
  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
  
I wanna make a crispy-fried son out of you  
  
Please catch me now  
  
I'm having such a bad time  
  
I'm a firey ball  
  
Please catch me now  
  
If you wanna be set on fire  
  
Just don't bring me a ring  
  
Please catch me now  
  
Please catch me now  
  
I don't wanna hit the flooooor  
  
I'm the last Steward, gonna hit the floor  
  
On a collision course  
  
I am a psychopath  
  
I'm outta control!  
  
I'm a bitch-machine  
  
Ready to insult  
  
My only remaining son  
  
About to (whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa)  
  
Get fried!  
  
I'm burning through and through, yeah  
  
200 degrees that's why they call me Mr Fareheit, yeah  
  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
  
Wanna make a super-singing hobbit of you!_   
  
Sauron and Balrog: _Please catch me, please catch me, please catch me  
_  
Denethor: _Hey hey hey!  
_  
S and B: _Please catch me, please catch me_  
  
Denethor: _Oooh oooh ooh. I like it!  
_  
S and B: _Please catch me, please catch me  
_  
Denethor: _For a hot time, hot time._  
  
S and B: _Please catch me, please catch me_  
  
Denethor: _Whoooa!_  
  
(groovy Smaug guitar solo)  
  
Denethor: _Ooooooh  
  
Burning through the sky, yeah  
  
200 degrees that's why they call me Mr Fareheit  
  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
  
I wanna make a really big BarbiQ!  
  
So, please catch me now  
  
I'm having such a hot time  
  
I'm a firey ball  
  
Please catch me now  
  
If you wanna have a hot time_  
  
All: _Just give us a call!_  
  
Denethor: _But please catch me now,  
  
Yeah, please catch me now  
  
I don't wanna be a splat on the floor!_  
  
(Everyone drifts off. Denethor remains)  
  
Denethor: La la la la laaaaa, la la laaa la. Come on! Everybody sing along!  
  
(realises no one is paying him any attention. They've all gone to watch Haldir and Legolas' pole dancing routine next door)  
  
Denethor: Ah, well, it was worth a shot.


	3. Slash for the mild mannered

Disclaimereeroo: Not mineth, savvy?  
  
Slash alert! Slash alert! Nothing NC-17, don't worry, but still it's male on male so u might wanna skip this one if that's not your thing. And as usual it's a 'lesser-spotted fanfic' so it probably won't be what you expect! (I hope, or I'm doing something wrong!)  
  
3. Slash for the Modest  
  
En route to Mordor from Rivendell the Fellowship got tired. So Gandalf said "Let's stop for a bit". And they did.  
  
One by one the members of the fellowship began to fall asleep (even Legolas, never mind the fact he's a supersonic elf who doesn't need sleep, for the point of the story he's tired, alright?). So Gandalf, ever the leader, decided on a plan.  
  
"Boromir and Aragorn, you shall watch over the camp and make sure nobody dies." The old wizard said through a particularly loud yawn.  
  
Boromir started; he had to watch with Aragorn? Did Mithrandir know how the stewards heir felt about the next king of Gondor? What if he was testing him, sneaky wizard that the Grey Pilgrim was. And more importantly, what if Aragorn liked him in that way, too? No, of course not. Aragorn loved Arwen. Arwen. Boromir tried to reinforce this in his head as a blur of thoughts ran through his mind, a blaze of pent up lust for the ranger speeding through his mind. Really just the author attempting to flesh out the story before we get to the slashy stuff, but there we are.  
  
Aragorn, meanwhile, was contemplating the possibility of changing his trousers.  
  
Everyone fell asleep, and soon Boromir and Aragorn were left alone (sort of) in their camp.  
  
"So," said the ranger casually, "how are you, Steward's son?"  
  
Boromir paled. Was there some hidden meaning to this? Did Aragorn know about his secret as well, and he was somehow in cahoots with the wizard? Or did the ranger really like him in that way? And why was Sam sleeping so close to Frodo?  
  
Aragorn stared concernedly at the warrior as he sat in silence looking forlorn for about ten minutes.  
  
"Boromir? Are you in there? Helloo?" he said, waving a hand in front of Boromir's face.  
  
"I'm fine." Said Boromir in a strained voice. Aragorn acknowledged him! Aragorn was concerned about him!  
  
"...Good. Me too." Said the ranger, shaking his head slightly at his distinctly odd Steward.  
  
Me too. Me too. Me. Too. What did that mean? Was Aragorn trying to tell him something?  
  
"Boromir, are you sure that you're alright? You seem somewhat preoccupied. Is there anything I can help with?" said the ranger anxiously. He did not need the strongest member of the party to be upset in any way, emotionally or physically.  
  
Argh! What was the confounded ranger trying to do to him?  
  
"Yes, my lord, there is something..." he began cautiously.  
  
"By the Valar! Go on then! What is it?"  
  
Boromir opened his mouth, and closed it again. An action he repeated several times. The words would not come. Suddenly Aragorn stood up.  
  
"Do you mind...?" The older man began. "It's just these are so uncomfortable." And with that, Aragorn dropped his trousers. All he wanted to do was change to a clean pair, poor guy.  
  
Boromir, however, got the wrong end of the stick. Nearly passing out, he let out a very un-Stewardlike squeak in his joy.  
  
"Oh Aragorn! You do care!" He cried, and proceeded to leap bodily on the other half-naked man.  
  
"Argh!" came the muffled cry of Aragorn from under him. "What are you doing? Gerroff!"  
  
Boromir reluctantly rolled off the other man, confused.  
  
"I thought this was what you wanted!"  
  
"Are you mad? Do I look like a hobbit?"  
  
Boromir decided it was best not to answer this.  
  
"I don't know where you got that idea from! My heart belongs to one person only!" said the ranger angrily.  
  
"Arwen?" said Boromir gloomily  
  
"That spoilt little elf thing? Don't be thick." Said the ranger, as he proceeded to climb under Gimli's blanket alongside the dwarf.  
  
The End.  
  
A/N: Sorry for those of you expecting proper Ara-mir! But it's not called '10 fanfics you've never read before' for nothing, you know. 


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